Porcupines

Two reasons why I'm glad meatballs are not used for shoes.

1. More meatballs for eating
2. They probably would not work as well as what we traditionally use for shoes


-- Posted from my iPhone

Location:Grand View Dr,Flagstaff,United States

Dungadinn and stumpy McGee

All trees should be considered pine trees. Oak pine, Maple pine, dogwood pine along with the traditional pines.




-- Posted from my iPhone

Alphabet soup and swollen sphincters

They should make a special edition of shoots and ladders with pits of serpents at the bottom of each ladder.

They could call it shoots and ladders and serpents


-- Posted from my iPhone

small infantry soldiers in the kitchen sink

Bob Costas at Home:

That's the skit

"it was a shot of destiny, a shot of hope" as he poops.

"putting an exclamation point on an already historic career" as his wife serves dinner.

that's all i got

Funky boogers making christmas cookies

I bet Crystal Clear Pepsi is all they drink in hell.

But they probably like it.

Trucks trucking and cars doodling on pilgrim hats

An army of frogs is what a group of frogs is called.

Snow is cold


-- Posted from my iPhone

Location:S Woodlands Village Blvd,Flagstaff,United States

Bon voyage motherfucker!

The best way to shit is to:

Step 1: when urge to shit first comes. Wait! The urge might disappate. If so...wait longer.
Step two: when urge comes back...shit



-- Posted from my iPhone

angry rabbits

Political correctness is for queers.

I search for Sebastian every time I'm on Wikipedia

The best way to spell stupid is incorrectly and the best way to spell victory is acquittal.

I'd watch a midget porn with Santa and his elves.

Soy milk or a starving Eskimo child lost in Africa

I think that when they promote someone - an actor/actress in a movie, a singer in a commercial for their latest album, a scandalous celeb opening up their home/heart for the first time - and they describe the experience as - "see them as you've never seen them before" - they should immediately rearrange their face graphically to make sure you are seeing them as you've never seen before.

Just don't fuck it up.

Smelly socks causes tooth decay

Disco stick? I think not Lady Gaga

Party in the USA? No Miley.

Fireflies in owl city?

Someone put an end to this madness!


-- Posted from my iPhone

ask me where the cheese is one more time

2 ideas:

One - a restaurant, let's call it, say, "Everything's Hot" has a caption that says something like: "The restaurant where EVERYTHING is hot." It's a ubiquitous phrase in all the restaurant's marketing collateral, menus, napkins...servers have to say the phrase "Remember, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. is hot..."

There is no way a patron could eat there without being informed of how there is a strong spice flavor, hot pepper, jalapeno, habanero or related ingredient that makes your tongue burn and your nose run. (Go ahead, tell me this restaurant would fail and then sniff your balls).

To enforce this disclaimer, Everything's Hot puts in copy all on these items, "Our goal is to make certain that anyone that ever eats here is 100% aware that the food will be hot and spicy. If we ever have to face a frivolous, mindless, spineless, lawsuit claiming damages of any kind related to a patron's reaction/criticism of how spicy our food is, we will have the press dub you, "The Stupidest Person E.V.E.R. From the Stupidest Town E.V.E.R. Because that's what you will be."

Then, if some asshole ever actually does try to sue them where a judge/court/lawyer actually pick the case up for personal gain and notoriety, it will be picked up on all wire services as, "Stupidest Town E.V.E.R. produces Stupidest Person E.V.E.R. to see Everything's Hot: The restaurant where E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. is hot."

Or simply, "Stupidest Person E.V.E.R. VS. Everything's Hot"

2: A murder mystery where the murderer is a terminally ill person that kills a public figure/just anyone where the crime turns into a press spectacle and watches the trial spin out of control without any leads or even someone else go to trial as they slowly die in the hospital. Sick, right.

Any then someone, somehow, realizes it was the terminally ill person that did it and then they murder the terminally ill person in their hospice bed.

poisonous jackrabbit

oh my God - you fuckin' make cakes that look like things and are very decorative.

Who gives a shit.

You want to impress me with cake building, start a line of cakes that are replicas of midgets.

I want to see ewoks and Willow. I want to see weeman. Danny DeVito.

And maybe some smurf cupcakes.

Haircurlers and green vomit

I don't know what I would do if pickled asparagus was such a thing. It would probably be disgusting.

I've been sitting here for ten minutes and still no sign of superman


-- Posted from my iPhone

kitten whispers

I think the next famous serial killer should do a take off on Seven.

Instead of killing people in the extreme methods attributed to the seven sins, they kill ethnicities by saturating them in their stereotypes.

Italians would be tied down in barber's chair and drowned in spaghetti.

Asians would be force fed caffeine and energy pills and made to stay up doing math problems for 14 days.

The British would have to eat their own teeth until they choked.

Trick or treat

Ive never known anyone who trapped a bear. I've never known anyone who collected the gas they let out of their ass in a jar. I've never experienced the stench from a collected fart that was released a year later.

I need to take a shit now.


-- Posted from my iPhone